Recent Want Ads I have come across on the internet:

WANTED someone to throw or catch a goal in Las Vegas. If interested please call either Carleton College or University of Wisconsin @ Madison.

WANTED a genetics graduate student who is fast and interested in playing frisbee. $$$ available. Please contact the University of Minnesota Grad School.

WANTED a dump cutter. Please call Shane at Madison. PS, Chris or Jacob or Leon, feel free to call.

WANTED a successful methyl-ziroconation. Please contact me. Oh yeah, if you have a spare organic chemistry job in the Twin Cities, that would be handy.

WANTED lessons for in-line skating. Call A-ron.

WANTED a mean-spirited team that can kick some butt in frisbee looking for a place to play with some pretty cool and nice teams. Please contact any state in the greater Metro East area.

WANTED young, new knees, preferable with acls intact. Please, only big vertical leaps should call. Look for Josh, Mark, Andy, Andy, Phil, or Chris.

WANTED a new song. Call 3-1-1.

WANTED Sub Zero handlers because OBVIOSULY Seattle is much better place than Minneapolis, Madison, and the rest of central region. (And the rest of the frisbee world for that matter). Contact The Fish.

WANTED a Jaegs-like severance package, I need the time off to find myself. Please e-mail Spilup. Oh, if you have a backhand, that would be nice, too.

WANTED a magnUM alumni to go on Wheel of Fortune, because you all have had such success on the Price Is Right and Jeopardy. Call Mr. Sajak.

WANTED someone with some gerth or speed or both to beat up people in im basketball. Ex-MIAC players can apply. Contact Brian.

WANTED none of my friends to get married during the fall series. Seriously, my summer is booked with these damned things. Do not contact me.